Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Luke 18:1-8

This seems to be such a memorable time of year...One year ago today Mikah was in surgery having his G-tube placed. He was a very scrawny, bones showing 11 pounds. Over the past year he has come a long way from that skinny little man. He now weighs over 20 pounds. He has a Mic-Key Button instead of a standard G-tube. He also has developed a personality complete with many opinions :) The little things you take for granted. We didn't actually realize that he didn't have opinions until he started showing us his opinions. He has started, as of two weeks ago lifting his head up while on his belly. He can sit. He can jump in the Jumperoo. He can propel himself forward on his inclined floor. He will get himself from one end of the room to the other in order to see what his big sister is so excited about. He grabs and picks up toys. He loves to pound on things, drums anyone?? He loves to watch Lawerence Welk on Saturday night with the rest of the family and he loves to read books. He pets the dogs and has a growing vocabulary consisting of Mama, Dada, Up and More. He is trying very hard to say Ellie and he will sign "eat" and "all done". He loves sweet potatoes and popsicles and hates plums. He has a great laugh and beautiful smile and loves to be tickled!
The nights are the hardest right now. For a while he was sleeping perfectly. And then a couple weeks ago he caught another cold. A simple common cold. But in Mikah it becomes a nasty thing and so now we are not sleeping. Another thing you take for granted...sleep. I can't remember when we stopped sleeping, it was a long time ago. And thank you to everyone who has taken the time to offer advice...It is hard to not sleep. It makes it hard to function during the day and it makes it hard to continue having a positive attitude admist all the other things going on. The other day, after not sleeping, I became very frustrated. I have always been fairly strong in my faith that God will always see me through. But at 2 o'clock in the morning when no one is sleeping and no one has slept for 2 weeks straight I found myself becoming quite angry at God. Wouldn't it be so easy for him to just make Mikah sleep? To touch him and heal him and at least let us sleep? We could still deal with the other stuff in our lives but at least we would not be doing it through the fog of insomnia.
After mulling these thought over in my mind I was given these verses from Luke 18:1-8.
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared about men. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, 'Grant me justice against my adversary.'
For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, 'Even though I don't fear God or care about men, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won't eventually wear me out with her coming!' "
And the Lord said, "Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?"
Do I cry out to Him day and night? And what of my faith?
Perhaps the problem is not God's but mine. At some point in the past year I have let go of my unwavering faith and my crying out to God has grown faint. You could hear the drop of a pin above my whispers. Pray for me that at night when sleep eludes us I will be crying out to God for His mercy and grace.


Toole Photography said...

Know that you are being prayed for Michelle. And thank you for posting this up. Beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Thank you and hang int here. You guys are amazing.

Chris said...

I love this. It really helps put words to all I have been feeling since Caleb was born. Trying to notice the windmills and tulips of our lives right now!